When you break up with your partner, you might feel like it’s the end of your world. But as hard as it can be to give them up, if your relationship was that serious then there must be something still worth salvaging.
If you and your ex had a positive and healthy dynamic before things went south, then the chances are that there is some way to rebuild that trust and affection again. It’s just going to take time for both of you to heal and come to terms with what happened.
A successful reconciliation is not as simple as forgetting about the past and getting back together again because you think it will make things easier on either of you in the short-term. It’s about wanting to spend your future – whatever length that may be – with someone who is the one person who understands all of the nuances of who you are, even when it feels like they don’t know who you at all right now.
Before you can reconcile, you must forgive
Before you can build a new relationship, you must let go of the past. You can’t go into a new chapter of your life with the last one weighing you down. It’s important that you forgive yourself for what happened with your ex and that you forgive your ex for how they reacted to the end of the relationship. If you can’t forgive yourself for your part in what went wrong, then it will be hard to convince your ex that you have changed. If you can’t let go of the anger you feel towards them for what they did or said, then you will struggle to mend the relationship and move on.
Decide if it’s worth making amends
If you want to make up with your ex, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to put in the work. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to change and make amends for your actions, even if they were in the past. You also have to ask yourself if you can forgive your ex’s actions and if they are willing to do the same. If you can make amends, then you can try and repair your relationship. If you can’t make amends, then you should accept that the relationship is beyond repair and you need to walk away for your own sake.
Talk about what happened
If you and your ex broke up badly, then there are probably some massive unresolved issues from the past you need to talk about. Was there an affair? Did you find an old friend on social media that you shouldn’t have? Did you discover your partner had been lying to you about something crucial to the dynamic of your relationship?
Whatever the issue was, it needs to be resolved. If you can’t talk about it, then it will be impossible to move on from the past and you will both remain haunted and stuck by what happened. You need to be honest with your ex and they need to be honest with you too. If you can’t agree on something that happened in the past, then you need to be able to walk away. You can’t reconcile if you are both holding onto a grudge.
Show you care
If you want to reconcile with your ex, then you need to show them you care. You need to show them that you want to be a part of their life and that you want to move forward as a couple. You can’t expect your ex to drop everything and fall back into your arms immediately. You have to earn their trust and their love all over again.
You have to be willing to put in the work to prove that you don’t want to go back to the way things were. You have to show your ex that you have changed and that you care about different aspects of your relationship now. You need to show that you genuinely want to be with them and be a part of their life.
Be patient and give your ex time to heal
The relationship might have ended months or even years ago. Your ex might still be hurting and they might not be ready to jump back into a relationship with you. You need to be patient with your ex and give them time to heal. You need to show that you can be there for them even if they don’t want to be with you right now.
You need to prove that you don’t want to rush them into anything and that you want to ease back into the relationship. You need to give your ex space and let them work through their feelings at their own pace. You also need to be patient with yourself while you wait. You need to give yourself time to heal from the break-up and the period where you were trying to win your ex back. You need to focus on yourself and your own mental health while you wait for the right time to come along.
A relationship breakup, no matter how messy it may have been, is never going to be easy. However, if you and your ex can work through the pain of the past and come to terms with your feelings, then there is always hope for reconciliation. If you want to make up with your ex, then you need to let go of the past and forgive yourself and your ex. You also need to show your ex that you care and that you are willing to put the effort into the relationship. Be patient and give your ex time to heal and focus on your own mental health while you wait.